I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
