The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
