His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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