: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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