i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
