dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
