His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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