He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.