Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom