I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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