I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Panties = found
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
