Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.