I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.