Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?