brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?