i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses