guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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