It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
