Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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