Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Randomize
