Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
