Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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