I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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