so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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