I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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