i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
