just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
