Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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