i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
