My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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