Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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