I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
