My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
