the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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