Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
