Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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