apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
