There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
