Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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