I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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