Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
