i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
