You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
