I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
