Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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