shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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