I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
