omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
