How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
