There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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