i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
