you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
