is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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