I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
