Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
