So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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