I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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