When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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