dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He shit in the fireplace
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
