Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
