2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
