I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
