He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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