i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
