i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
