The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
