whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
