Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
