I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think my mom watched the whole time
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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