Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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