I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
